You Are Designed For Connection.
Eyes require a view. Ears require sound. The
mind requires thoughts.
Aloneness creates vulnerability. God knew it.
“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man
should be alone,” (Genesis 2:18).
God loves marriage. He hates divorce. Marriage
is not a mere reproduction center for human babies.
Marriage is sowing ground where you sow your
patience, love and enthusiasm, and watch it multiply
in those around you who celebrate your presence.
God Will Never Give You A Gift That Will Replace
His Presence. That is why a mate is not designed to
produce your joy. The presence of God creates your joy.
“In Thy presence is fulness of joy,” (Psalm 16:11).
Fullness implies “requiring nothing in addition.”
Your mate is a gift from God to you. That gift is
intended to: 1) protect your focus, 2) reduce distractions, and 3) create a climate of protection.
Focus often creates blindness. When you are
looking north, you cannot see south. Someone else is
needed for your protection. So, God provides the gift
of a Mate.
Here are some think twices before chosing him or her:
1. Think Twice If You Do Not Possess A
Passionate Desire To Give To Them.
The Proof Of
Love Is The Desire To Give. Jesus explained it. “For
God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten
Son,” (John 3:16).
Too often, marriage becomes an exchange.
Exchange is the evidence of business, not love.
You should desire to give Time, the greatest gift
God gave you.
The Proof Of Uncommon Love Is The Investment
Of Time.
2. Think Twice If They Do Not Possess A
Passionate Desire To Give Back To You.
I am not
referring to expensive gifts, huge amounts of money or
clothes. A listening ear, flexibility, patience and the
willingness to be corrected are gifts.
3. Think Twice If Your Personal
Achievements Do Not Create Excitement In
Them. When good things happen, who is the first
person you desire to telephone? Pay attention to that.
Celebration Is A Compass. Those you love to
celebrate with are clues to the puzzle of your life.
When uncommon love exists, uncommon celebration is
normal. Uncommon love does not compete with the
success of another. It tastes and savors and enjoys the
pleasure of another.
4. Think Twice If They Have Not Been
Captivated By What Has Captivated You. Several
years ago, a lady excited me. Yet, the relationship
struggled. Something simply could not seem to “catch
fire.” She did not enjoy sitting with me when I wrote
my books. She enjoyed play far more than the
presence of The Holy Spirit in The Secret Place. A
minister friend explained gently with me, “Mike, she
simply has not been captivated by what has
captivated you.” It is not enough for your mate to be
captivated by you; they must be stirred by the same
thing that stirs you.
I often speak at women’s conferences. I always
emphasize that you cannot know a man by studying
him. You know a man by studying his focus.
5. Think Twice If You Have Lost Your
Desire To Impress Them. I watched a wife wave
good-bye to her husband one morning. She was at the
front door waving. Missing buttons, a torn pocket and
breakfast stains on her gown, and her hair up in
rollers—she was everything a man wants to forget. I
understood easily why he was so excited about driving
off to work...where someone would greet him at the
door with a bright smile, pressed clothes and perfume
to impress him.
You are a walking message system to those you
love. Would you fly on a plane with seats broken, egg
on the tie of the pilot, missing buttons and torn seats?
Of course not. You would think, “That’s visible
damage. What else has not been corrected in the
engine?”
Something is wrong when you no longer desire to
present your best to your Mate.
I was so impressed one day when I saw a friend’s
wife set the table with the most expensive silverware
and fine china for her husband. She explained to me,
“The most special person in my life is my husband. I
would never save my beautiful silverware for an
occasional visitor when my husband is the king of this
house.”
6. Think Twice If They Never Ask Quality
Questions Concerning Your Greatest Dreams
And Goals. Questions reveal desire. Questions
reveal humility.
7. Think Twice If They Ignore Worthy
Counsel From Qualified Mentors In Their Life.
Who are their heroes? You become like those you
admire. You adapt the habits of those you envy. Who
is their dominant Mentor? At whose feet do they sit
consistently? A Mentor is a prophecy of a Protegé. If
they rebel against the counsel of their pastor, they are
living undisciplined, uncovered and unadvised.
Tragedy is scheduled.
8. Think Twice If They Have Not Yet
Impressed Their Pastor. I was attracted to a lady
and inquired about her to the pastor and his wife.
They exchanged glances and said quietly, “She has
come a long way.” I understand preacher talk. That
simply said, she is a long way from where she should
really be.
9. Think Twice If You Do Not See
Continuous Improvement In The Relationship.
Improvement is revealed by the decrease of conflict.
Conflict occurs through opposite goals, philosophies or
beliefs. Bonding should increase unity and bring a
decrease in contention and strife.
Strife Is The Evidence Of Opposite Belief
Systems.
10.Think Twice If They Show Little Pain Or
Remorse Concerning Their Past Mistakes And
Sins. Those who are truly repentant truly hurt.
Repentant people are not arrogant. Repentant people
do not blame others for their decisions. Memories of
mistakes should produce sorrow and heartache.
When regret is not expressed, the offense usually
occurs again. Some people never repent for past
mistakes. Why? They have not tasted the painful consequences of their rebellion. They do not possess a
true fear of God. They believe they are beyond
judgment. It is futile to pursue a relationship with
someone who does not possess an obvious fear of God.
Uncorrected Conduct Becomes Repeated Conduct.
The fear of God keeps a mate faithful. Beauty will
not. One lady explained to me, “I will keep myself so
beautiful, he will not even look at another woman.”
How foolish! Your beauty does not make another
woman ugly.
Beauty cannot guarantee faithfulness.
The fear of God keeps us faithful.
Some of the best articles written are in women’s
magazines. However, it saddens me deeply to watch
some Mentors of women teach the art of manipulation, intimidation and deception to deceive the men
they are pursuing. You will never respect anyone you
are capable of deceiving.
11.Think Twice If They Enjoy The Climate
And Atmosphere Of Rebels. I met a very striking
lady who was a brilliant conversationalist. Quite
impressive. Classy. Elegant. Knowledgeable
Something did not seem quite right, but I ignored it.
One day she exclaimed excitedly, “Oh, I just love
working with homosexuals. They are just so
enjoyable. I would rather work around homosexuals
than anyone.” She was unoffended by sin.
Obviously, God loves every one of us regardless of
our sin. However, anything that grieves the heart of
God should grieve us.
Anything that angers God should anger you.
Anything that saddens God should sadden you.
If you insist on dating someone comfortable with
rebellious, stubborn, arrogant, God-despising
people...you will be heartbroken.
An actress became a personal friend. Excellent
conversationalist. Appeared to love God with all of
her heart. Continuously I heard, “My best friend
this...my best friend...we have been best friends for a
million years.” Then, I found out that her best friend
has been living with a man for fourteen years. Her
best friend sneers at the law of God, belittles
preachers and thinks that holy living is a joke. Yet,
this was her best friend! This was her confidante! Yet,
she was completely comfortable in the presence of
someone living in defiance of God. A godly relationship for us was impossible.
12.Think Twice If The Atmosphere Of
Unbelievers Excites Them. I once heard the wife of
a preacher say, “I just love to go to the shows in Las
Vegas. I enjoy Tom Jones and the atmosphere so
much! He excites me!” Was I shocked over their
divorce later? Of course not. The atmosphere of the
ungodly excited her flesh and she fed it.
I love the presence of God. I crave His Voice. I am ecstatic over His Word. My favorite atmosphere is not
a smoke-filled, curse-saturated, filthy-joking, beerdrinking crowd. My favorite atmosphere is the House
of God with hands uplifted, loving, praising and
worshipping the One who created me.
You have no future with someone who insists on
fueling their passion in the atmosphere of the ungodly.
13.Think Twice If They Have An Obsession
To Attract The Attention Of The Opposite Sex.
Some women are unhappy unless every man in the
room gravitates around her as the “center of
attention.” I have known men who cannot pass by a
mirror without sitting down for a while and staring,
mesmerized by their perceived beauty.
14.Think Twice If Breaking The Law Is
Humorous And Exciting To Them. When I see a
radar detector on the dash of a car, I recognize that I
am in the presence of someone who despises restraint,
sneers at the law and wants the world to know it.
15.Think Twice If They Show Little Respect
For The Agenda And Schedule Of Others. I dated
a lady for a long time. One night, I waited 45 minutes
in the restaurant for her. She finally showed up and
explained, “Well, I met some friends that I have not
seen in a long time and I just simply forgot the time.
Sorry!”
I replied, “I understand. I have been waiting 45
minutes. I regret that the presence of others made
you forget me. I am sure God has someone else
exciting for your future.” It was over.
Your respect for the schedule of others reveals
much about you.
16.Think Twice When It Is Obvious That You Will Never Become Their Focus And
Assignment. They may enjoy you, laugh with you
and even like you. They may even be truly
trustworthy as a confidante. But, a Mate is a different
matter. When God brings you a Mate, that person
becomes your Assignment. The wife of a young
preacher was obviously agitated and frustrated. As
we drove home from a crusade late one night, she
looked at me with great exasperation and said, “I must
find out what my Assignment is!”
I replied gently, “He is there beside you. God calls
him your husband. He is your Assignment. You are
his Assignment.”
Sadly, I saw continued frustration. Many
marriages of ministers are fragmented today. Good
men and women of God are often in miserable
marriages. Publicly, their life looks glamorous and
exciting. Many are even famous and well known. But,
they despise their marriage because they have ceased
to view the other as their true Assignment.
17.Think Twice When They Embrace An
Accusation Against You Before They Have
Heard Your Side Of The Matter. Loyalties will be
identified and exposed eventually. The weakness of a
very important relationship was exposed to me. Late
one night, my telephone rang. The young lady tore
into me like a hurricane. Not once did she ask me if
the details of a situation were accurate. She never
assumed that those around her might be lying or
misinformed. It was absurd. What did I realize?
Truth was not her focus. My opinion was
unimportant. It was a heartbreaking revelation, but I
realized that others could lie about me and my explanation would never be valued nor believed.
18.Think Twice If They Have Not Exited
Previous Relationships Peaceably. Many thrive
on strife. They will destroy anything they cannot own
or control. Peace bores them. Silence nauseates them.
Warfare is their fuel. They will speak any words
necessary to find the boundary lines and limitations
around them. It will be impossible to have an
enjoyable marriage with them.
19.Think Twice If Their Parents Have
Contempt For You Or Your Assignment In Life.
The bloodline is more powerful than anyone can
imagine. It is a spiritual thing. It is a spirit
connection. God arranged it Himself. So, you may
marry a rebel who even despises his parents...but
when crisis comes, he will reach back to the bloodline
for affirmation. If you marry someone whose parents
look condescendingly upon you because of your lack of
education, social class or finances, remember that they
will be the third party always speaking into the heart
of your mate.
20.Think Twice If They Refuse To Sit
Consistently Under The Mentorship Of A
Spiritual Leader. Changes will not occur without
worthy Mentors or uncommon pain. Unwillingness to
sit under the Mentorship of a proven man of God is a
devastating revelation of potential failure.
21.Think Twice If Pebble Problems Unleash
Mountains Of Anger In Them. I will never forget
it as long as I live. While sitting with several friends
in a beautiful restaurant, the waiter forgot to bring
lime for the water glass of the lady I was dating. She
was furious. In fact, not only did she look angry at the waiter, but she decided that his incompetence would
become the focus of the evening conversation. She
could not differentiate between things that were
important and things that were trivial.
22.Think Twice If They Refuse To Find A
Job. It is a sin not to work. I would never allow my
daughter to marry a man unwilling to earn his living.
Money is a reward for solving problems. If you never
have any money, you are probably refusing to solve the
problems nearest you, or for someone you should. You
often hear of a multi-millionaire marrying a waitress
he met in a small cafe. Why? He observed her work
habits. At three o’clock a.m., she was there bringing
pancakes and eggs to truck drivers...with a smile on
her face. It was one of the secrets of Solomon. He only
hired happy people. It is important to marry someone
happy before you enter their life.
Paul warned, “This we commanded you, that if
any would not work, neither should he eat. For we
hear that there are some which walk among you
disorderly, working not at all, but are
busybodies...And if any man obey not our word by this
epistle, note that man, and have no company with
him, that he may be ashamed,” (2 Thessalonians 3:10-
11, 14).
Productive women excite productive men. It
attracted Boaz to Ruth.
23.Think Twice If Their Own Dreams Are
Not Big Enough To Motivate Them. If they can
sleep in all day, watch television all night and refuse
to produce anything significant with their life...you
better think twice before pouring your life into them.
Every person should have a dream big enough to get him out of bed every morning or keep him up at night!
24.Think Twice If They Are Uncomfortable
In The Presence Of God. As I told one of my sisters,
you can date a man who is handsome, has developed
muscles and throws you a rose to watch you dive—but
if he hates the presence of God, there is no hope of
greatness ever being birthed within him. The man
you see will never be more than what he is today.
Every preacher will become his rival. He will become
intimidated by your church attendance. When you
come home late after a Wednesday night service, he
will accuse you of meeting somebody “on the side.”
Unsaved men are often intimidated by believing men
because they know in their heart that a man who
walks with God has something they lack.
25.Think Twice If They Feel Inferior To You.
True, everyone is superior to others in some way. But,
it is important that those who walk beside you feel
confident, qualified and called of God to be your Mate.
26.Think Twice If They Do Not Long To
Understand And Pleasure You. Uncommon love
longs to pleasure another. Uncommon love seeks
every opportunity to communicate itself. What do you
enjoy? What books do you love to read? Where do you
want to go for vacation? What is your favorite flower?
Your Mate should long to know.
27.Think Twice If Continuous Strife Exists
Between Them And Their Parents. Honoring our
parents was the first commandment with a promise.
Those who celebrate the authority over their life
ultimately succeed.
28.Think Twice If They Treat The Favor Of
Others With Ingratitude. Countless times, I have paid for meals at restaurants and never received a
single thanks for it. I dated a lady for many months
without receiving a thank you for anything I
purchased or did for her during that year. Her
explanation, “I simply wasn’t taught to say the word
‘Thanks.’ I will show it in other ways.” Absurd.
29.Think Twice If They Do Not Have A
Hunger To Know The Voice Of God. Obedience is
the secret of every successful person. The Bible is His
Voice. If a man or woman disdains The Voice of Truth
and Wisdom—they will birth a parade of tragedies
and catastrophes.
Their decisions will create losses.
Their weaknesses will flourish.
Unlawful desires will rage like an inferno.
Such a marriage is an invitation to spiritual
suicide.
30.Think Twice If You Are Not Excited
About Introducing Them To Those You Love.
When you are truly in love, that is all you want to talk
about. Are you ashamed? Why? Be truthful with
yourself.
31.Think Twice If They Show Little Respect
For The Battles You Have Won Throughout Your
Lifetime. Have you mastered prejudice, fears or
poverty? When someone loves you, they admire your
achievements.
32.Think Twice If Conversation With Them
Has Become Burdensome. I have been with some
who left me frazzled, exhausted and I did not know
why.
Right people energize you.
Wrong people exhaust you. True love will energize.
33.Think Twice If They Make The Major
Decisions Of Their Life Without Pursuing Your
Feedback. I was stunned one night when a lady I
had dated for some time suddenly said, “I quit my job
last week. I’m going to Bible School tomorrow.” She
had been considering leaving her career for nine
months and going to a Bible School. She never told
me. It was obvious—my feedback was unimportant.
34.Think Twice If Your Time Spent With
Them Always Ends With Personal Guilt Or
Disappointment. Withdraw from any relationship if
guilt, fear or a sense of entrapment emerges.
35.Think Twice If People Of Excellence Do
Not Surround Them. Study the kinds of people that
your potential mate finds enjoyable. That is a clue to
their life and your future with them.
36.Think Twice If They Are Unwilling To
Follow Your Personal Advice And Counsel. A
godly wife is The Prophetess in the bosom of her
husband. A husband should be a Well of Wisdom for
his wife.
37.Think Twice If You Do Not Admire And
Respect The Mentor At Whose Feet They Sit.
Their Mentor is feeding either a strength or a
weakness. If you oppose their Mentor, a happy
marriage is impossible.
38.Think Twice If You Only Enjoy Them
During Your Moments Of Weakness Instead Of
Your Moments Of Strength. One woman explained
to me, “I don’t really want to be with him. I feel very
vulnerable around him, but, I am often lonely. So,
when I get so lonely I can’t stand it—I accept his invitation for a date.” Some relationships exist
because of mutual weakness, rather than mutual
goals.
39.Think Twice If They Continuously Give
You Counsel Contrary To The Word Of God. The
Word of God is Truth. It will withstand any test. It
destroys wrong desires within you. It unleashes your
faith. It produces hope. It purifies your mind. It is
the Master Key to all success on earth. Your reaction
to The Word of God determines God’s reaction to your
own children. (See Hosea 4:6.) God will become their
enemy if they continue to defy His Word. It would be
tragic to bond with someone God may ultimately
destroy.
40.Think Twice If Their Presence Does Not
Motivate You To A Higher Level Of Excellence.
You already possess weaknesses. You do not require
anyone to feed them. Anyone can pull you down. That
is why God gives you a Mate to lift you up.
41.Think Twice If You Cannot Trust Them
With The Knowledge Of Your Greatest
Weakness. Each of us contain weaknesses that
embarrass us. We despise them. It may be anger, fear
or lust. Your Mate is there to strengthen you, not
weaken you. If you believe it is necessary to hide your
weakness instead of share it, you may have the wrong
Mate.
42.Think Twice If You Cannot Trust Them
With Your Finances. This narrows down the field
considerably, doesn’t it! Do not bond your life with
someone too immature to handle the importance of
financial responsibility. One young man explained to
me, “I do not want my fiancée to know anything about my money or she will spend it. As soon as she
discovers I have some extra money, she persuades me
to run up my credit cards.”
43.Think Twice If You Cannot Trust Them
With Your Most Painful Memories. Every person
is running from a painful memory. Multi-millionaires
often share that their days of poverty have motivated
them. Their painful memories have driven them to
uncommon achievement. Some explain a father who
beat them mercilessly. It left them marked forever.
Memories are keys to understanding another.
44.Think Twice If You Cannot Trust Them
With Your Greatest Fears Or Secrets. Fear often
limits us. It should motivate us...to change. It may be
the fear of flying, or the dark. It may be a fear of dying
with disease. Whatever it is—think twice if the love is
not strong enough to destroy fear. “Perfect love
casteth out fear,” (1 John 4:18).
45.Think Twice If You Cannot Trust Them
Around Your Closest Friends. Flirtation is deadly.
The death of many marriages begins with flirtation.
It is not harmless. Ever.
46.Think Twice If You Cannot Trust Them
In Your Absence. Jealously is a cruel dictator and
tyrant. It is often unfounded and produced by a
painful memory of disloyalty or betrayal. Yet, I have
seen many marriages unravel because of a deep sense
of distrust. Note the signals.
47.Think Twice If You Cannot Trust Them
To Pursue God Without Your Constant
Encouragement. Several years ago, I met an
exciting woman. She was one of the most articulate,
vibrant and lovable humans I had ever known. She is still a friend of mine today. I tried hard to push the
relationship through, to engagement and marriage.
But, it was this key that opened my understanding.
She only attended church because of my persistence,
nagging and begging. She really did not know God at
all. Nor did she truly desire God. Without the
authority of God in her life, any hope of a happy
marriage with her was a mere fantasy.
Bring your potential Mate into God’s presence
with you. Talk to God together. Truth will emerge in
His presence that cannot emerge anywhere else.
Interrogation will never produce what His presence
will.
Invest the Seed of Time.
Watch it grow.
Time will expose what a thousand investigators
could never produce.
Define your present relationships honestly and
clearly. If you persist in an unwholesome relationship,
painful consequences will teach you.
Never lean to your own understanding. Lean to
the heart of God. Ask The Holy Spirit what He sees in
those near you. He always will reveal truth to the
seeker.
Recognition Of The Mate God Approves For You
Will Bring Years Of Joy, Enthusiasm And Fulfillment.
TEACHER: DR. MIKE MURDOCK
ARTICLE ADAPTED FROM "THE LAW OF RECOGNITION"
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